Third CultureLiving

I guess first moving to Jakarta. What was that initial transition like when you had to enter a new environment?

Sorry, literally a new country, I should say, where the primary language of your people, the first language you ever knew, suddenly wasn't anymore.

That was kind of like the first time that I became aware of the fact that I'm Bengali and I'm from Bangladesh and I'm different. And that's not necessarily like a, you know, good or bad thing.

Sometimes I felt a little awkward communicating with my parents in Bengali in front of my other friends, or if, like, my friends were over and my mom was watching a Bengali or a Hindi show, I would feel a little, oh, like, I don't want her to think that we're different, you know?

This is little Fareeha and her mom

And so I think that's kind of the first time I started becoming aware of who I actually was and how I'm not, you know, white or American or English speaking.

All of a sudden I wasn't speaking in Bengali with my friends, it was English. And with my teachers, it was in English. And so, I think, like, the English speaking part of my life became a lot more dominant because I was spending, you know, a lot more hours in school.

And so that's... And also, like, when I was growing up in Dhaka, we actually had to take Bengali classes. So, that's how we officially learned the language and, like, you know, reading stories in Bengali poetry, etc. And, I lost that after like second grade when I moved to Jakarta.

Yeah, and actually, going back to the Bangla medium and English medium schools. Was there any extra stratification, I guess, when it came to who was able to attend those kinds of schools?

Or, I guess, another way of saying it is like, if someone's gonna know English and Bangla, was that kind of something where it's like, oh, if you're middle, upper middle class or higher, those kids are getting that.

And then, what was the role of English in Dhaka?

Yeah, totally. I mean, for the most part, I think you're spot on. I feel like, maybe it's different now and because I haven't lived in Bangladesh, I might not be as aware of how it's playing out currently. But at least when I was growing up, I think mostly middle class, upper middle class kids, you'd see them going to English medium schools.

And for the most part, these schools were private schools. And so you had to pay a tuition. And that's kind of the group of people that would be able to afford it. Whereas with Bangla medium schools, I'm pretty sure there were private schools and a lot of government schools as well.

And so, I think the difference between being funded by the government versus being a private school definitely played a role in the demographics, or like the students that I would be, you know, spending my time with during the day.

Even though we have that stratification at the school level, you know, from like elementary to high school, as far as I'm aware, most universities, they're English medium.

I know in the past maybe, like, even some of my cousins who might have gone to like a big a Bangla medium school, that transition to university might have been like a little more harder to them. Because, I mean, now they're, like, being taught in like a completely different language.

Obviously they, you know, might have been aware of English and they did speak it, but I think they would've been more confident in Bengali. And you could say the same for me. If all of a sudden I was just, yes, I speak Bengali at home, but all my life I've been going to English medium schools.

And if I, all of a sudden, had to go to a Bangla medium, like, taught university, then it would it would not be good. It would be super hard. And so, yeah, but I guess, like, that's not necessarily as applicable to me because, anyways, I was going to an English medium school in Dhaka. I mean, the primary language spoken in my school in Jakarta and Dubai were English. And so, yeah, I feel like I didn't have to, especially because I was younger, I wasn't like as aware of what was really going on.

This is Fareeha in middle school

Yeah, I mean, I don't think anyone would expect a six year old to know everything about the working class, unless you're like Greta Thunberg or something.

But, I don't know, it's just so interesting... Tamil is like one of the oldest languages in the world, you know?

And like, there are so many languages that are derived from like Sanskrit and other stuff, like so many languages, like in that part of the world especially, go back like thousands of years or, or something, or even hundreds of years.

And so it's just kind of crazy to me when you actually sit down and think about how, despite having such intense roots, they're not considered like the primary thing in our home countries. I also get it because, at this point, English is just the norm everywhere.

Whether it be for education or business or whatever, it's just kind of like become the universal thing, but I'm sure someone else can write an essay about like colonialism/imperialism, and how that all happened.

I would say the same thing about Tamil speakers. Truly have not met another population on this planet that is as proud of their language than Tamil. And I think part of it does have to do with, like, just how old it is.

But even in, like, movies they're just throwing in like a language anthem. They just need to have like a quick segue, to be like, yes, Tamil's ruling the world, it is the best thing ever.

Going back to what you were saying, there's something integral to your identity there because knowing the language, it is a tool, but then that tool gives you access to such a wealth of things.

And also, if you're in a random country, let's say you go to, I don't know, Finland.

And then all of a sudden you hear someone talking Bangla.

Then you're like, Oh, that's my person

Yeah, and so, I feel like the language thing is so integral to, not just sort of like a self-identification of like, I want to be like, you know, comfortable, proud of just like who I am, but then it is also outward looking. It helps you connect with others as well.

And actually, I guess like kind of taking that theme into Jakarta and Dubai, so how did you go about finding community at these places? Did you meet other Bangladeshi or just Bangla speakers?

Yeah, so, different experience, both in Jakarta and Dubai. So in Jakarta, I remember like, I don't exactly know if this is how it played out, but we lived in a sort of compound. So it was like five different buildings, and so a bunch of different people, and you kind of just have, like, you know, parks and whatever in between.

And I remember I was just like out on a walk with my parents, and maybe my brother, who was just like two or three at the time. But I guess we were speaking Bengali and there was like an older, you know, auntie. I mean, she wasn't old. Maybe she was like, whatever. She was just an auntie.

But she basically approached us because she heard us speak Bengali and she was like, "Oh, you guys are, you know, speaking Bengali. Are you from Bangladesh? When did you guys get here?"

And basically a whole conversation started. And that auntie introduced us to a whole other Bengali community in Jakarta. And so in some of, and, you know, in like a funny way, some of them were actually like related to us, which we didn't know, but that's just, you kind of find that out if you're brown I feel like.

And so, we celebrated things like Eid and Pohela Boishakh, which is like the Bengali New Year. And did all these Bengali celebrations with one another.

This is Fareeha celebrating Pohela Boishakh

In Dubai, we didn't have a big Bengali community. Like yes, we had some relatives here and there, but it was maybe just like two or three families at most. Whereas in Jakarta it was a bunch. And so, I didn't really find the friendships that I had found in like a Bengali community in Dubai. And in that way it was different.

Looking back, I also felt a little bad that like my parents didn't have the community that they had back in Jakarta. And so it was a little hard that way. In terms of schools, so again, and also what I've noticed in like international schools, you'll very rarely find a lot of Bengali kids there.

This is Fareeha and her family in the UAE

So at an international school, when we're talking about people coming from all these different backgrounds, were they predominantly people that were coming from other parts of Asia or they're like, like European kids there, or South American kids, African kids. I guess like, how diverse was it ultimately?

Yeah, no, that's a good point. So yes, like we would have kids from, you know, 70-80 different countries, but the number of kids from each of these countries would obviously differ. I remember in Jakarta, there was like a really big American and Australian population as well as Indian and South Korean.

In Dubai, I think it was predominantly South Asia, mainly India, and then predominantly Middle East.

Because you weren't speaking Bengali as much, or if you're an international school, the cultural experience is getting a little, I'm assuming a little homogenized, to some degree.

How was that affecting, or was it affecting, your relationship with your, like your direct relationship with your parents or your other relatives and such?

So, I mean, the short answer is yes. I remember, you know, on our trips back, like in the winter or summer, more and more I started to recognize that my Bengali was not as great. And I was like growing different and sometimes, you know, my cousins or my uncles or aunts would point out like, "Oh, you speak Bengali with an American accent."

Or, "Your English sounds different. You sound totally American." I don't think they mentioned in like a negative way. I think that like, their comments were valid and true. But I did, again, feel different.

This is Fareeha's family

I remember I was coming back from a wedding with some of my extended relatives and they started playing Bengali songs in their car. So, I was sitting next to one of my other younger cousins. She's like 10 or something, or maybe like 12, you know, like in her teens I guess.

I was like, "Oh, I've never heard this before." And she was like, "Oh, how come you've never heard this before? Like, you're not even Bengali." You know, like, it was just like a fun, small comment. And I was like, oh, yikes. Like a 13 year old girl, who grew up in the US, knew this Bengali song and I didn't. And like, I literally lived in Bangladesh, you know?

And so, just small things like that, like make me realize, even though I speak Bengali all the time, maybe I'm not as close as I could be.

I think people who are like third culture kids, they'll always have that struggle of like, oh, I'm not Bengali enough. Or like, maybe I'm not American enough or blah, blah, blah.

And that's always kind of there in the background. And I still feel like it's there for me, like where I don't feel Bengali enough. I'm not super aware of the trending Bangla songs or Bengali films, and like, I wanna be. And I think maybe instead of reading the Bengali news, I feel like watching movies might be the way for me to go.

Yeah. And I remember seeing in Cannes or Cannes, however you pronounce it. There was a Bengali film that actually you know, was at, was at the film festival and it was just like really cool, like seeing a Bengali film at this kind of prestigious, you know, prestigious event where I would've maybe just associated with more European films or like something more, you know?

In a way, maybe it feels like Bengali culture is like a little more mainstream or like people actually recognize Bangladesh as a country. And maybe, that's something that's influencing me to want to, you know, know more Bengali songs or like, you know, shows or movies.